I quite detest the ‘personality tests’ and analyses that give motherhood statements about people – this is all very Barnum effect IMO and close enough to astrology for the scientifically inclined. Sort of like the Jaggi Vasudev for the classes who is just riffing off Baba Ramdev for the masses. I’d wager to say most of us would find it reasonably hard to come up with a perfect personality description of ourselves.
But if there is one thing I am abso-fucking-lutely sure about and I don’t need any test to tell me is that I am very high on avoiding confrontation. I avoid even ones at work if I can and yes, I know that’s a terrible thing. But (I think!) I’ve learnt of ways to get around it as far as I can. When a confrontation is imminent, I steel myself for it, prepare a lot and try to douse it with humour, reminding myself this isn’t the end of the world.
What this long prologue meant to say is that I’ve never been the kind of person to get into fights. A lot of people fight in high-school and early college – I personally don’t think I’ve had a proper fight since primary school? Can’t recall one at least – perhaps I’ve blanked it out. So if anyone told me that in 2021, into the 4th decade of my life – I would be having a brawl assaulted (let me not flatter me for my future self) on the road – probably wouldn’t have thought that as too likely.
But here we are 3 days past the incident, still licking my wounds – my rib cage hurts on one side if I breathe too heavily or stretch too much – and it is fair to recap this incident which I hope does not ever repeat.
Finished instructor led driving sessions Tuesday evening. Something I’ve been putting off for years (learning how to drive), only enabled because wife was literally handed a vehicle. Why would you shove a huge vehicle on these crowded roads? I understand the need to drive long distance but in cities like Mumbai to drive on the road is quite nuts. I detest especially owners of big ass SUVs. I digress again, anyway I felt OK and quite confident though through my lessons, albeit one mustn’t read too much into it with an expert sitting besides you. Was recommended to go out and drive on your own – ‘you’re almost there’. So I decide to drop the wife to work the next morning – great way to practice right? Almost don’t go because she’s late but I’ve already got dressed and come down so after some yes-no-yes… off we go. Drop her off OK enough, although not perfect by any means. Then on the way back – in front of a bank on a service road I don’t leave enough buffer on my left side and I scrape against a car parked on the side of the road on the front. Some scraping, probably mild dent on both vehicles – probably the low speed helped.
At this stage I’m nervous but more apologetic than scared. I somehow reverse, and turn forward. The guy is asking me to park on the side, ahead of his car. I park (somehow reversing and then turning) and step out. Hands are shaky even as I try to get the key out. Seems bossy and demanding, but fair enough – his morning’s probably looking terrible now. I apologize. I see a couple of faces in the back – wife and mum probably. He asks for my license and I hand it over to him. Asks where I’m from, I give a landmark close by. Tells me I’ll need to pay. I say the insurance should sort it out. He says his insurance is screwed – already has two deductions. Hands me over a paper to justify this and make sens,e of which I barely manage to note the date on – it’s the 6th of Jan. He takes a picture of the damage and Whatsapps it to his agent, follows it up with a call. ‘You call your guys, I’ll call mine’. Shows me an estimate to say it’ll cost 10 grand.
In the interim I’m calling my driving insurance to make sense of things. I first send him a picture to get an idea of how bad the damage is. He luckily picks up and guides me through this since as a complete noob – I have not spent enough time understanding how automobile insurance works. He tells me that yes I did understand this correctly – the insurance will handle it, I have no cause for worry. If his insurance has an issue, that’s his headache to deal with. I try to tell this to my ‘friend’ subtly – but it seems to instigate him more. Tells me to speak to ‘my guys’, while he will speak to ‘his guys’. My attempts to douse this with humour saying ‘I have no guys’ doesn’t seem to work. Somewhere in between, he’s clicked a photo of my driving license and I’ve clicked a snap of his vehicle – both the part hit and the license plate. Now he’s also asking for my address and telling me to ‘text it’ to him.
My opponent is now telling me to come to the insurance office @ Navale Bridge with him and pay whatever they ask for. I even speak to the person from the insurance office from my phone – he gives me a number. She says yes, only 50% of the amount will be paid from insurance. What about the rest? She couldn’t care less. We both do another round of phone calls. My instructor is clear – no need to pay, if it’s too bad I can come over. If he has any issues, tell him to come to the police chowki and sort it out. Surely it’s manageable I tell him and put down the phone.
I hesitatingly make this suggestion to my antagonist here who’s probably losing it by the minute. He’s asking for my address again which I – now emboldened by his increasing rudeness- say I don’t need to give him. This refusal is an affront and the threats for violence suddenly cross over into reality as he smacks me across the face. Mask now pulled down, wide-eyed with rage a few kicks come my way as well. Lots of cussing – the maa behen types. Were there some punches to or was it a kick to the ribs? Its kind of blurred – I really wonder how people write blow by blow accounts of their adventures or life stories.
I defend or shield myself best as I can but truth be told I don’t have the ability or intent to actually beat him back. And there’s a part of me which is thinking – surely now he needs to back off. A small crowd has gathered or people walking by have stopped at least. I’m glaring back by now and call him the marathi word for an idiot. This leads to some more cuss words from his end and he wants me to get back into the car. Emboldened by what’s happened – I don’t and ask him to get back into his first and not tell me what to do. And I tell the crazed maniac that now I will certainly go to the cops. This leads him to throwing a brick at the car. When I still don’t get back he throws another brick to damage the car back and breaks a tail light. I’m at the front of the car at this time and he’s being ushered back into his car – frothing at the mouth – by his wife and mum. The wife said something to me amidst this but it barely registered.
It seems he’s exiting the scene so it seems prudent to let that happen before anything else. I’ve back in my car, trying to look in the rear-view mirror to be sure he’s disappeared. Also attempting to pull up my windows to avoid having to speak or even look at him if he drives past. I somehow manage to drive back home safely enough despite getting in a weird position while turning from a service lane into a main road which the cops waiting behind me seemed glad to ignore (some lucky break at least). I come home, park in one go- examine the damage from the bricks which is not as bad as I thought. He had a good aim and was able to break the tail light without any other damage.
I speak to my instructor before I go upstairs – who seems astonished it came to this, but tells me that I now have the upper hand and must call the cops immediately to ensure he doesn’t get away with it. This is not exactly what is on the top of my mind at this point of time but after getting upstairs, it seems like the bare minimum I need to do especially after I note the light bruising on my fingers and arm. Makes sense to actually go to the police station so I go off with dad (on a scooter) – the first one is a station where we’re told to actually go to a chowki to register a complaint. The right noises are made (we just want to document our side), more documents are demanded and after an embarrassing moment where I didn’t remember the own vehicle number and some offense taken from the cops for asking them too many questions when ‘they’re trying to help me’, I’m back at home licking my wounds as the adrenaline comes down and my legs start to wobble towards the evening.
There’s a part of me which is hoping nothing much comes of this considering the impudence and connections one needs to have to even attempt an altercation like this. There’s another which is hurt that somebody dared enter into my personal space and assault me. Would this have been possible had I been more physically intimidating? Probably not unless I bulked up beyond the normal – I’m reasonably tall and look healthy (even if I’m not) – definitely not like a pushover. But the manner in which ‘we’ speak and conduct ourselves is unlikely to help there. AS told me this happens to drivers once in 10 years, you just had this experience right upfront so you should be safe for a decade now. Many more lessons to be learnt I’m sure- if not simply consequential ones from an unexpected experience – for e.g. my forays behind the wheel that have followed have been far more jittery (despite my instructors insistence to not give that up). But rather than make this a LinkedIn post equivalent – best to leave it at this replay and a #neveragain…
Yada Yada Yada 